Assassinations Can Be Fun
by AuthorN.YuM
Summary: AU! (Rating might change in a couple chapters) All the countries, with just their human names, have supernatural powers and work under different bosses who order them to assassinate their enemies. Of course, being the people they are, they do it with style and small fits of jokes.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not any rights to Hetalia and this story is made for the purpose of entertainment without any profit or benefit toward myself.

* * *

"Tomorrow might be one of your many comrades' deaths, so I expect preparedness from all of you. But I'm sure all of you will not be harmed by this mere man." A blurred man from a television screen says, his voice pitched lower so the people before him don't figure out who he is.

The three teens in the room grunt in response while the man in the screen turns himself off.

The screen flips back to the show the teens in the room were watching until the announcement.

"Tomorrow, uh..." An American blonde teen mumbles.

"When is lunch going to be served?" A hungry and grumpy Italian teen grumbles.

The American teen leans back against the sofa he was sitting on. "I'm hungry too."

"Well, I'm hungrier!" A German teen shouts obnoxiously.

The American glares at the German. "No. I am." He says sternly.

"Yeah right. I invented hunger, so I'm obviously hungrier than every one of you." The German says with a matter-of-fact tone.

"No you didn't!" A male with a heavy Korean accent shouts as he jumps onto the German. "I invented hunger, and everything you love! Especially awesomeness."

The German glares up at the Korean. "Oh no you didn't! I'm the freaking definition of awesome, and you're nowhere near German!"

The Korean smacks the top of the German's head gently. "No no no! Koreans created awesomeness!"

"Totally true." The American says sarcastically. "Americans totally created awesomeness and heroism before all of yawl!"

"Please bitch. All Americans created was bitches. Need proof? You." The Korean says with a 'I'm-smart-bitch' face.

"You're the only bitch here!" The American sneers.

The Italian stares at the three teens with disbelieve all over his face. _All this because of my question about lunch..._

"What do you expect from three idiots?" A teen pops out from behind the sofa cushion the Italian was sitting at.

The Italian jumps, startled by the teen's entrance. "Don't pop out like that, Antonio!" He shouts at the teen, Antonio.

"_Lo siento_." Antonio smiles innocently at the Italian. "Lovino."

The Italian, Lovino, glares at Antonio before folding his arms and leaning against the cushion. "What are you here for anyways? I thought you were helping in the kitchen."

Antonio wraps his arms around Lovino from behind and shifts around so his mouth was near the Italian's ear. "Lunch is starting soon." He whispers into Lovino's ear.

The Italian blushes fiercely before shoving Antonio away from him and glaring down at his hands.

The fighting trio look at Antonio with anticipating eyes and run into the dining room. "Lunchtime!" They all shout as they run across the house to the dining room.

Antonio and Lovino stare at the trio with bewildered looks.

* * *

"Food food food food food food food!" The trio shouts while pounding their fists against the wooden table.

Another Italian teen stares at the trio with closed eyes.

"Food food food food food food food!" The trio continues to shout.

"Shut it!" A British teen shouts as he smacks the back of the trio's heads. "How annoying..."

The trio groan in pain as they rub their bruise.

"What was that for!?" The American whines to his brother.

"For being annoying, and ruining my reading." The Brit says with a pissed off face. "We have a mission tomorrow, and killing everyone's peacetime is not something on my good list!"

The American grins toothily and points at the Brit. "You said 'kill everyone's peacetime.'"

"I know what I said!" The Brit blushes at the comment.

"You're talking like me now Artie!" The American hugs the Brit, Arthur.

Arthur blushes redder and pushes the American off him. "Seriously!? Feli, just serve these three idiots their lunch!" And storms away while covering his red face.

The trio looks back at the Italian, Feliciano, and grin in sync. "Food food food food food food food!"

Feliciano lets out a heavy sigh before setting up the dining table for the three to have lunch. _I wonder if I have it worse than Ludwig on a mission..._

* * *

"Who are we killing today, Ludwig san?" A Japanese teen asks while getting out of a car.

"No one of any importance to us anymore." Another German teen, Ludwig, says while loading a gun.

The Japanese teen nods while holding his katana handle, ready to cut something. "How many guards?"

"Two at the gate entrance. Fifty scattered around the courtyard. And five surrounding our target." Ludwig brushes strands of blonde hair away from his eyes and places a bomb near the car they used to get to their current location. "Antonio and Im Yong are guards there, so be careful about who you kill."

"What's Arthur san doing?" The Japanese teen starts heading toward the gate entrance, his eyes dead black.

"Wiping the servants' memories so they forget about this place." Ludwig follows behind the teen. "Kiku, don't kill the target until Arthur gives us the signal to."

The Japanese teen, Kiku, nods "Sure." And passes by the two entrance guards in a quick pace. _Like I'll ever listen to Arthur san._

The guards fall after seconds, coughing out pints of blood before landing hard on the ground.

Kiku speeds through the courtyard, unseen by forty eight guards in the courtyard.

Ludwig groans before jumping onto the courtyard, startling all the guards.

"Intruder!" The guards shout while surrounding Ludwig with their guns pointed to him.

Ludwig smirks before taking out his gun and shooting two guards.

The rest shoot unconsciously at Ludwig.

Alfred appears before Ludwig and a force shield surrounds the two. "You're welcome." Alfred says before running toward four guards and separating their heads from their bodies from a simple touch.

Ludwig grits his teeth before shooting three guards with his gun. "I didn't ask for your help."

"You didn't need to. A hero always knows when someone is in trouble." Alfred smirks when Ludwig kicks a guard against the gate wall.

The guard's whole body squishes at the impact. Red blood scatters on the wall and Ludwig's clothes and face.

"You mad bro?" Alfred smirk widens when Ludwig grabs two guards by the neck and shoves the two against the tree, practically slamming the two's heads together since the tree thinned by Ludwig's strength. _He's mad._

"I'm not mad at all." Ludwig grits through his teeth as he shoots a guard before kicking a tree off the ground, leading it to fly toward a group of eight guards.

_He's so obviously mad._ Alfred snickers before sliding his fingers against the air around three guards.

The three guards start trying to find air around them to breath, gasping heavily while gripping their throats out of pain.

"I'm not mad!" Ludwig shouts as he tries to shoot a smirking and prancing Alfred.

The bullets hit the guards Alfred passes by, but not Alfred.

Ludwig gets more upset because of this fact.

Alfred glances at the six corpses behind him before jumping onto a tree branch and sticking his tongue out at Ludwig. "Those were my kills. Meanie!"

Ludwig glares at the childish Alfred and tries to shoots at him again.

Alfred snickers as he summons a force shield to protect him. "You can't kill me, ya fool!" And jumps off the branch to kill more guards.

Ludwig watches as Alfred prances around the courtyard, killing six guards by a touch.

"Three more left standing!" Alfred announces as he pounces at a lone guard hiding behind a large berry bush.

The guard shape shifts back in Antonio, who grins at a disappointed Alfred. "_Lo siento_, Alfred."

"Where's the remaining guard!?" Alfred growls before glancing at the guard he saw before, which turns out to be Im Yong. "Where is he!?"

Ludwig scans his surroundings, seeing no other guards that were in the courtyard. _He couldn't have escaped. Could he?_

* * *

The remaining guard pants silently as he crawls under the house's underground level, frightened by Alfred's and Ludwig's powers, and prepared to report the information he has gathered from the fight to his boss. _I need to tell the boss about this. These people are monsters!_

A low giggle startles the guard, making his stop all his movements.

The guard looks around him, scared to his wits. _What was that? Did one of them find me? Did those two guards hiding tell them where I told them I was going to go!? No, I didn't tell them. And they weren't trusted with the information that there was an underground level. Maybe that giggle was just my-_ The guard's eyes go wide as he lets out an ear-piercing scream.

* * *

"Where could the last guard be?" Ludwig ponders out loud as he paces back and forth in front of his three comrades, not hearing the scream that lasted a second and then was muffled by a certain comrade.

A Russian teen giggles as he throws the frightened-to-near-death guard to Ludwig's feet. "Found him crawling in the house's underground floor."

Ludwig, Alfred, Antonio, and Im Yong stare at the Russian, scared too, by the teen's innocent but creepy giggle. _What did he do!?_ They all think in sync as they stare at the guard frozen stiff in shock.

"I merely giggled next to him." The Russian states innocently.

_No. You freaking scared him shitless._ The four thought in sync as they give the Russian bewildered looks. _How did he know what we were thinking!?_

"I'm just taking guesses." The Russian states innocently again.

_Taking guesses my butt! You already know what we're thinking before we even think it!_ The four scream in their heads.

"No. It's just guesses." The Russian glares darkly at the four. "Just guesses..."

The four nod frantically as they feel tears welling up in their eyes. _Right right right. Guesses. Just guesses._

Ludwig coughs into his fist awkwardly, getting everyone's attention towards him. "Kiku is fighting inside the house right now. I'm sure he's done though, so lets find the room the target is in."

"Lets go find him then!" Im Yong shouts and runs into the house with great speed.

"Yes. Lets go then. Da?" The Russian follows behind Im Yong. "Oh. The guard is dead." And points to the forgotten guard on the floor, pale as a ghost and mouth open in shock.

The three exchanges looks with each other before following behind the Russian. _Ivan's scary..._

* * *

Kiku coughs up blood as he is shoved against the wooden floor.

Im Yong enters as Kiku tries to kick the guard off him, to no avail.

"K-Kiku!" Im Yong shouts as he runs toward Kiku and pushes the guard off his brother.

The guard stumbles onto the floor.

"Kiku didn't kill the guards here, Da." The Russian, Ivan, announces as he skips into the room and stares at the target innocently. "And the target is still alive."

"Why didn't you kill them yet?" Alfred whines as he kicks a guard away from him. "We have to deal with them now."

Kiku glares at Alfred before cutting down the second to last guard. "I got side tracked in the halls."

"By what? A _niña bonita_?" Antonio chimes in as he enters the room.

"You saw a cute girl in the halls!? You should have told me!" Alfred pouts as he pushes the last guard toward Kiku.

Kiku shakes his head frantically as he slashes through the last guard. "No! I just thought I saw someone I knew..."

"When can we kill him?" Ivan asks as his hands wrap around the target's neck.

"When Arthur says we can." Ludwig enters the room, taking a phone out afterwards and dialing in a number.

A long ring sounds throughout the room as the seven people wait silently for Arthur to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" A hyper sounding Arthur says through the phone.

"Can we kill the target yet?" Ludwig asks impatiently.

Arthur laughs maniacally for a few moments. A loud booming sound after his laugh. "Do whatever you want to him~" He sang. "Just do it within a minute~"

"You only gave us a minute!?" Im Yong shouts as he starts kicking the target for fun.

Ivan smirks and tightens his grip around the target's neck.

"Fifty three seconds~" Arthur sang.

"Kill him quickly guys! The police might come in seconds!" Ludwig shouts.

Antonio and Alfred join in the fun of torturing the target in the remaining time they had before the house exploded.

Kiku and Ludwig watch with deadpan looks at the four torturing the target.

"Forty six seconds~"

"Have your fun while we're running!" Ludwig shouts at the four, panicked by the leftover time they had to run out of the house.

The four nod while Alfred drags the target by his feet.

The six start running through the halls while four of them continue their torture to the target.

"Twenty five seconds~"

"We're almost out!" Im Yong declares as he sees trees ahead of the group and whilst stabbing the target's face.

"Thirteen seconds~"

"I love these kind of missions!" Alfred shouts while separating the target's arms from his body.

Antonio laughs at Alfred's comment. "You say that every time we have one of these missions." While kicking the target with great power, acting like it was an accident, even though it was obviously not.

"Seven seconds~"

"We're out!" Im Yong shouts as the group bursts out of the house.

The target breathing heavily and trying to stop heavy flows of blood from coming out of his injuries.

"Four seconds~"

"Put your hands up and come out of the home." A police office commands outside of the gate.

The group smirks to themselves as Lovino appears before them and teleports them back to their house.

"Boom~" And then a loud fit of giggles come from Arthur as a loud explosion sounds through the phone.

"We never are gonna get caught!" Alfred declares as he lays himself onto the couch. "That was so fun!"

"Glad you had fun." Gilbert grumbles as he is pushed into the living room with the help of Feliciano on a wheelchair. "I was helping Feli here watch his pasta! Something a person as awesome as me wouldn't do unless they're unawesomely bored!"

"We couldn't bring a handicapped person into a mission!" Im Yong defends.

"Well, leaving me with Feli wasn't nice either!" Gilbert shouts back.

Feliciano looks a bit hurt by the comment.

"I'm starving!" Alfred declares as he tries to reach the dining room first.

"Oh no you don't!" Gilbert shouts. "Feli, get me to the eating room! Now!"

Im Yong shoves Gilbert out of the doorway. "No way! I'm getting there first!"

Gilbert glares at Im Yong's back. "I'll do it myself!" And grabs his wheelchair's wheels and spins them. He reaches Alfred's location in a matter of seconds. "I'm getting there first!"

"No way dude!" Alfred touches Gilbert's face, separating part of his skin from his face.

"Hey!" Gilbert pauses for a moment to fix his face. "That's cheating!"

Im Yong laughs as he reaches the two. He pulls Gilbert near a staircase. "Anything to get to the eating room first!" He shouts as he runs after Alfred.

_These are true children!_ The people remaining in the living room think as they watch the trio hurting each other just to get to the dining room.

The target now officially dead and left for Arthur to deal with, the mission and day is finally complete.

* * *

**EXTRA**

"They're so cute!" Im Yong smiles as he watches his favorite Korean male band, _Super Junior_, dancing to one of their songs, _Sexy, Free, and Single_. "I love them so much!" Im Yong squeals.

"How stupid." Gilbert hisses as he walks into the Korean's bedroom.

Im Yong glares at Gilbert, but then looks back at the television screen. "Think whatever you want. You are just jealous because Shindong is cuter than you."

"Which one is Shindong?" Gilbert scans the members in the television screen.

"The slightly chubby one."

Gilbert watches until he sees a slightly chubby man appear for a few seconds in the screen. _There's no way he's cuter than me!_

"Are your legs better?"

Gilbert stares at Im Yong for a while before answering. "Y-Yeah..."

"What are you getting embarrassed for? I'm not asking because I want to. Only because Super Junior would approve of my worries for you."

_It's all about Super Junior!_ Gilbert unconsciously sits beside Im Yong, staring at the screen with Im Yong. "Who are these people?"

The screen now shows another Korean band from the same company _Super Junior_ are under. "_SHINee_." Im Yong says quickly.

"Are they famous?"

Im Yong shrugs. "I only keep track of the fandoms I'm in."

"Fandoms?"

Im Yong glances at Gilbert before grinning. "Of course an idiot like you wouldn't like what a fandom was."

Gilbert glares at Im Yong. "Tell me what it is!"

Im Yong shrugs. "I don't know if I should."

"Tell me." Gilbert whines.

Im Yong smirks and turns off the TV. "Okay. Lets start with Korean music fans. Get a note book and three pencils or pens to keep notes."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not any rights to Hetalia and this story is made for the purpose of entertainment without any profit toward myself.

It's been three months since the last update/upload, and this is the second chapter. *laughs nervously* But I still hope you readers still are interested in this story! The people who followed and favorited (is that a word?) have my greatest appreciations. And I need to thank my best friend, YuM, for reminding me to write this story. I was such a newbie writer three months ago. I was reading my first chapter of this story (to refresh my mind of the story), the words I used are the wrong form, the horror when I realized! I was about to write a second chapter, then YuM reminded me again that I had a second chapter started already, my fingers savior! I'm terribly sorry for the wait though, is what I'm trying to say.

* * *

Kiku walks past the dining room and stops at the front entrance, placing his bandaged right hand on the door handle.

"Where you going, Kiku?" Alfred asks while sliding his chair to get to Kiku from the dining room.

_Alfred san is really lazy..._ Kiku thinks while staring down at Alfred sitting on a chair, that he slid, close to Kiku. "Out."

"Where out?" A curious glint past the blonde's sky blue eyes as he asks.

"Just somewhere you don't know." Kiku tries to open the front door, but is stopped by Ludwig as he opens the door from the outside.

"Oh, Kiku..." Ludwig looks to the blonde on the chair. "And Alfred." Ludwig tries to hide the gardening tools behind his back. "Are you leaving?"

Kiku nods. "Just going out for a bit."

"Where?" Ludwig questions, squinting his eyes as if accusing already.

"Somewhere." Kiku answers plainly.

"Tell us." Alfred whines as he glomps Kiku, finally off his chair. "Tell us tell us tell us tell us~"

"I'm rather late for my appointment..." Kiku says nervously, fingers unconsciously pulling at the fabric of the bandages around it.

"Appointment... Date... You're going out with someone!?" Alfred concludes by himself.

Kiku shakes his head frantically. "No no! I just need to go somewhere!"

"Is this your third date? Then kiss the girl, or even move into the bedroom stage." Alfred whispers into Kiku's ear, squeezing the Japanese boy's shoulders reassuringly.

"It's not a girl!" Kiku shouts as his face reddens in embarrassment.

"It's a boy then? Are you gay?" Alfred asks as he glares at Ludwig. "Did Ludwig and Feli influence you!?"

The question earns a glare from Ludwig.

"No! It's not a boy! It's a woman!" Kiku confesses, then covers his mouth with a hand in realization.

Ludwig coughs awkwardly before sneaking away from Alfred and Kiku to the stairs. _Don't want to be part of this conversation..._

"You're dating older woman!? You don't seem like the type to be able to get rich old ladies in bed."

_What the!? Alfred san! How can you be so knowledgable in these kind of dating things!? And the bad kinds!_

"If you need a double date, just call me and I'll date her friend." Alfred winks at Kiku as he releases the Japanese boy from his grip. "So don't worry about that part." He sits back on his seat and slides back into the dining room.

Kiku gives the retreating blonde a deadpan look before shaking his head and leaving the house hurriedly, putting on gloves to cover his bandages. _It's my mom. I'm just meeting my mom..._

* * *

"Kiku!" A Japanese woman in her mid thirty shouts at Kiku as she runs toward him. "What took you so long?"

Kiku lets out a heavy sigh while thinking about Alfred taking away his time to live. "A friend of mine's was taking my time to ask about some homework." He lies.

The woman nods while hearing Kiku's reason. "I'm so happy you got accepted into a university though! Why didn't you tell me before you left for three months without any contact?"

_Cause it's a lie._ Kiku smiles at his mother. "I forgot to tell you because of how excited I was."

His mother smiles back. "Where shall we go today? Ice cream store? Cafe?"

_Why was ice cream store your first location to think of?_ Kiku ponders for a moment about where to go. "I think the cafe would be nice."

His mother nods. "There's a cafe just a few blocks from here with a beautiful water fountain close to it!"

"Let's go there then." Kiku holds his mother's hand gently before walking with her to the cafe she mentioned.

"A table of two." Kiku tells the hostess.

She nods at Kiku and leads them to a small square table with chairs at the ends of it.

Kiku helps his mother sit on her chair before sitting on his own.

"You've become very good at English." His mother smiles sadly down at the table.

Kiku nods as he reads the cafe's menu. "My friends say so too."

"You used to have the cutest accent when you were speaking English. But now, it's gone..."

Kiku glances at his mother, then looks back at the menu. "What are you going to order?" He asks to try to avoid the possible topic of old Kiku.

"A cup of hot chocolate and a medium size triangular cake."

"I'll order the same then." Kiku looks up to see a Vietnamese teen helping a fourteen year old boy sit on a chair at the table across from Kiku. _Them..._

"How many friends have you made?" His mother interrupts his thoughts.

"Uh... Eight, excluding the scary ones."

His mother holds back a giggle. "How cute."

Kiku looks back at the table across the room. _Mei..._ He thinks when he sees a Taiwanese teen sit herself next to the boy.

"What would you like to order, madam?" A waitress asks Kiku's mother.

"Two cups of hot chocolate and two medium triangular cakes." Kiku's mother answers.

"And for-" The waitress gets interrupted.

"You got it already." His mother says immediately.

The waitress nods and leaves the table.

"How cute!" Mei squeals as she wraps her arms around the boy and hugs him.

The Vietnamese girl nods. "What will you be ordering?"

"Whatever you are." Mei answers.

"Kiku." His mother calls.

Kiku glances at his mother. "Yes?"

"Do you love that girl?" She asks very seriously.

* * *

"Arthur! Don't touch the stove!" Alfred shouts as he runs into the kitchen.

Arthur looks back at Alfred, a brown substance in a pot in his hands. "I only used the oven. Don't worry."

Alfred stares at the substance in the pot. _What is that?_ He squints at the substance, seeing if it would help him figure out what the weird substance was.

Arthur looks toward the substance. "Would you like a slice?" He shoves the pot toward Alfred's face. "It's vanilla cake~"

_No. It isn't._ Alfred gives an embarrassed Arthur a deadpan look. "N-No thanks."

"You sure? I thought you loved vanilla cake."

_Artie. That thing is not even thought of as food. It looks like one of those weird creatures in your magic spell things._ Alfred shakes his head. "I just ate a sandwich." He hoped his stomach wouldn't growl because of hunger during the conversation.

"Alfred! Alfred! Alfred! Alfred!" Gilbert continuously shouts through the hallways until he reaches Alfred. "Alfred! Have you heard about fandoms?" Gilbert asks excitedly.

Arthur smiles at Gilbert. "Would you like a slice of vanilla cake?"

Gilbert, hearing Arthur's voice, quickly thinks up an excuse to leave the room, preferably the whole freaking country. "L-Listen, Arthur. I love my cakes, and awesome food in general. But your... Food, is not food. And I believe Feli almost had direct poison from eating that green smashed potatoes. Arthur, it was direct poisoning. Direct poisoning. So I'm ma be leaving now. Okay? Yeah. Bye." He dashes out of the kitchen without another thought.

Arthur nods, tears threatening to fall from the edges of his eyes. "Actually, the smashed potatoes was made for Alfred when I got mad at him for detonating my fireworks display." He explains to no one.

"What!?" Alfred asks with his mouth gaped open.

The front entrance door slams open, the thump it made when it clashed into the wall echoed through the whole house, interrupting everyone's activity.

"Im Yong Soo!" A furious Kiku shouts as he storms into the living room in search of the Korean.

A flirting Antonio points to the door next to the fireplace that led to the study room, resuming to try to talk Lovino into kissing him.

Kiku runs into the room, shutting the door behind him, and a scream of terror filled the house, and quite possibly the whole neighborhood.

All the agents, excluding Antonio and Lovino, carefully peer into the now open door to the study. The scene was scattered books surrounding the two Asian agents, Kiku was about to give another punch to Im Yong's already heavily bruised face.

"Attention!" All the agents jump in surprise at the sudden voice.

"Cool! Let me try that!" Another voice echoed through the house.

"We're not supposed to mess around, Mei!" Kiku's eyes widen at the name.

"Whatever! You prick!"

"Did you just call me... What is that supposed to mean, Kaoru?"

"It means you're a dick. Gosh, Lien! You're as old as Yao when it comes to slang!" Kiku glares at the space he was looking at, having no idea where the voices were coming from.

"Shut up! Kaoru, why don't you speak into the mic?"

There was a long silence until all the televisions in the house turned to the shadowed boss of the agents, startling everyone. "Good evening, men." His voice stayed as low pitched as ever. "As you have heard, probably, we have made an alliance with the Asians on the next mission."

"Yep! So you guys shall now listen to-"

"Stop shouting into the mic! You prick!"

"Now you're using it!"

"Shut-"

There was a loud resounding thump from the living room. Every agent enters the room with their powers ready to attack.

"Now that the Asians have shown themselves, I will explain this mission." The boss says.

"No need, boss dude. We can just ask these weirdos." Alfred grins until Arthur smacks him at the back of his head. He lets out a whine before rubbing his throbbing head.

"Don't be rude to our guests." Arthur hisses.

"Actually, Alfred, we have no idea what our mission is. Our boss told us that we were allied with you." Mei explains as she crawls out of the fireplace. "And that was it."

"Yes. So please pay all attention to what I'm saying." The boss says.

Everyone focuses their attention to the screen.

"This mission is of high importance and can only be completed within this week. It is also noted that there are high levels of danger, so be very cautious. The goal-"

* * *

*gasps* A cliffhanger. Yes, that is correct. There will be less jokes now and more details of seriousness, must try to make up for absence, until the mission is completed, at least. What is the point of the mission and where will they be going and doing?

I was hoping to get a yes or no answer on something I was wondering to do from you readers. So, as I said before, I read chapter one of this story and seen some English mistakes and lots of briefing. As I think I improved enough to edit chapter one without changing a lot of scenes, I was wondering if you readers want an edit or not. I don't want to change anything yet, since I wanted an opinion first. So review or message me about it? *pleading eyes*


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